come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I didn't notice because vodka
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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