I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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