I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it's like heaven, but drunker
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
