remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I faked an abortion last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She's the barista slut.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
