Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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