I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
