please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
