hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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