sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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