At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
