Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize