Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
