we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
