I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
