i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
