we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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