hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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