Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
