Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
