No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
