I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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