You just made me feel so damn special
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize