Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
