our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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