Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
