i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize