How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
