You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Randomize
