she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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