P.S. I can't hear my feet
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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