btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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