is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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