Can Purell be used as lube?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
