Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
