sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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