It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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