she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize