I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
