Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
