dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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