I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
