you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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