I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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