of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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