3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
