he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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