I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize