On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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