something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize