He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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