ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
