Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
