some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
