I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
