I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
