I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
