dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
