Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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