At least make sure they are 18
Why
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
