Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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