so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
