I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
