Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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