i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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