I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
