Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
