The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just want nice things and good sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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