If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
