I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Drake has all the answers
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
