Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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