i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
