the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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