Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
