i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize