you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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