So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
