bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
