He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
