which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
