her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
love makes seman taste better
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
