Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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