dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
