There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
