During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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