so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
