i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Randomize
