Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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