i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
