i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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