just come out here and I will go home with you...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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