She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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