I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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