Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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