We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
