she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
